Is Your Marriage In In A Mess And You Want To Save The Relationship?

Having a bad marriage can sometimes go unnoticed by either spouse. Or a few couples know that there is a dilemma but prefer to just endure the situation instead of taking action to get the love back and save the relationship.

Why? The reason may be caused from the family situation that either partner has grown up in. A partner whose parents had a bad marriage often see this as the rule and does not appreciate the need to take notice or may not even be cognizant that there is a problem. He or she may have a mistaken belief that the circumstances are natural as he or she has gone through it before. Maybe these mistaken beliefs have been instilled in the spouse since childhood while watching his or her parents bear a troubled marriage. So, experiencing a bad marriage himself or herself does not spark any response.

Thus what are the symptoms of a bad marriage?

Absence of intimacy, for one. While before, both spouses can't wait to get their hands on each other, now there is absence of intense desire. The simple caress, the stolen kiss, the holding of hands - all these are no longer in existence.

No communication. Communication is fundamental to bonding. And marriage is all about the union of two people. Once communication is missing, the spouses cannot give themselves the opportunity to unite and nurture the marital bond.

Physical and verbal abuse. Abuse means there is no respect between the spouses. Physical or verbal abuse is a serious sign of a bad marriage. Marriage should be based on respect and love, and when these are not present, trouble ensues.

Couples oftentimes fall into the trap of denial. Factor such as fear from reprisal from family and friends can forbid the couple from confronting the problem head on and seeking remedy to save the relationship. Other factors such as concern for the good of the children cause couples to just accept the situation without doing anything about it. These couples do not realize that this does not help their children at all. If left unchecked, the children will grow up in an environment filled with disquiet and stress and lack of role model to emulate in their own relationships later on.

So what do you have to do? First, talk about it; this brings the communication back into the relationship. When you talk it over with your partner, it will be easier to comprehend that there is a problem. When you both acknowledge that there is a problem, it will be easier to ask help. At times couples decide to try to save the relationship themselves without seeking help. This is not bad - for a first step. Still if you detect that you are not making headway, then it is time to explore outside help through counseling or through resources that you can tap like self-help books or through the internet.

We are at times caught in our imaginings of castles in the sky and expect that love will conquer all and things will work out by themselves. Nothing wrong in being positive about it. But at times a third party is essential to point out to you and your spouse each of your weak points and scrutinize objectively what the problem is.

Doing nothing and trying to cope with a bad marriage can cause physical or mental pressure and unease not only for you and your spouse but your children and other family members as well. Do not remain passive and just hope things will get solved by themselves. You can do something to save the relationship . There is a bright side; a bad marriage can still be fixed.

Zeny Zabala is a relationship resource person who loves to write articles about marriage and relationships for individuals looking for help and inspiration in their relationships. She also provides reading recommendations on her web site with reviews on the best available reading resources on the internet today. Visit her website now.